Come out of hiding I say!!
It occurred to me today, well not just today but I decided to try and do something about it today, that everyone you meet has a story. I know duh, but honestly everyone you meet during the day is most likely going through some kind of struggle. Some, of course, are worse than others but all are important. The person going through whatever is in pain. Could be physical, could be mental, perhaps both but all count. Naturally physical pain is easier to witness but what you see is not always what you get. You may only be witnessing a limp or a splint but maybe their issues are much more severe and what you are seeing is actually a side effect to a much more serious issue.
A casted arm could very well be bone cancer as could a person walking with a cane. Maybe someone just lost a loved one or is a caretaker and they are finally getting some me time. Maybe they are abused, maybe it's a sick child, maybe they are lonely or depressed, whatever the case its their story. OK, finally to my point. What occurred to me on a more personal note while thinking this morning is that my own struggles are holding me back from my dreams, my job a lot lately but most import my life. I hate every single second of having physical issues, it truly sucks. My thought is obviously I am not alone. There are so many of you out there with your own struggle and perhaps its holding you back as well. Although I have been speaking a lot more about my issues to be honest even the closest to me don't know how bad the struggles truly are. Again, I am sure I am not alone so how about we broaden this blog to include your struggles, your fears, your sick of's and whatever else might ail you.
I haven't abandoned the sideliners becoming lifeliners but truly how can you become a true lifeliner if you have stuff holding you back. The option of being anonymous is always welcome, this way you can vent honestly however, feel free to leave your name as well.
I will start it....things I am sick of are not being able to do the every day things in life; such as being able to get the shampoo out of the bottle. I have to hold it against my body and use my forearm to squeeze the bottle in order to get any out, half of it winds up all over the place and I can only do this if the bottle isn't full and I can lift it. Putting on my shoes and socks, being able to get a drink because I cannot lift the containers, buttoning, holding my hair brush and being able to grasp it so that I can wrap my hair around it, etc. you get the idea.
I hope to hear from some of you, it is so important to purge this stuff and believe me its in a place where people care and want to hear it. Don't hold back, its an important step in obtaining your lifeliner goals.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Climbing out of the abyss (again)
Ecstasy from a steamer
I admit it, I HATE being wrong but what I despise is admitting they (my family) are right. Blech that taste bad even when writing it. They claim I am a neat nut, cannot deal with things if I cannot control them, etc. I don't or well I didn't see it that way. I saw it as just liking to take care of my things, everything has a place and everything in its place and as for the control.......OK so what? I don't like when I am not in control of things or some may say I am maybe a tinch bit cranky when I am not in control. Again, so what?
Not sure why I am like this but I am. Haven't been feeling well in some time and therefore have lost bit by bit control of my things in my life, some I have learned to deal with, others I have not. There are two things that I have not learned to deal with while still being able to be pleasant. First thing is my house not being kept the way I like it and not being able to take my pictures without the use of a tripod and sometimes even with a tripod I cannot. The pictures I am coming around with, took some shots of my daughter using the tripod and didn't hate them, had a few fits during the shoot but I did admit I can get a tad bit, I mean the tiniest wee bit cranky when I am not in control. The house I have not been able to deal with, understand I admit I may have a disorder need things in order and I like it to look like we don't live here. I know, I know already, whatever I said it out loud and now everyone (or the few readers I have) now know it too. I put my smile on when I am not home and then come in screaming because someone didn't put something away and I don't have the strength to do it. Did I say scream? Hahaha, no, no I should have said raise my voice ever so lightly, honestly its barely noticeable asking them to please put it away. They will say its a scream and I don't ask I demand. You say potato, I say potauto.
What I have learned about myself is when things get out of order I go into a black hole or an abyss. I hate having physical struggles, yes the control thing. I hate when I need help doing every day, take for granted things. So when I am at the stage where I have to do and then watching my house, car, yard, etc not be the way I like it (my husband will say like a museum) ah NO, let's try clean, it drives me nuts. So today I am sitting in my den watching some old movies (something I enjoy very much) and I look up at a vent on the wall and I see dust in the grate and I know I can no longer enjoy my movie because the damn dust keeps mocking me. Don't roll your eyes, the damn dust is freaking mocking me. So I decide this cannot go on any longer, I have got to take my life and my house back. I MUST. So I call Bill and ask him to stop by the store on his way home from the pet store (he is a salt water fish guy) anyway, I ask him to get me a steamer. He calls me from the store to go over the different types they have. He has lived with me for many years, he knows when I say I don't care which one just get one, that means call me before you even think about bringing one home. So he calls and we go over each one and EUREKA there's the one, has all the bells and whistles and I am already beside myself with glee. I sit anxiously awaiting his arrival with my new dream. It felt like hours had passed but finally I hear the door open. I cannot contain myself, "I'm down here", I yell. He brings it down and opens the box and as each piece comes out of the box, I become more and more excited I swear it was like Christmas morning, that's all I could say to him.
So I took my steamer and ran (well my version of running) into the downstairs bathroom and let the euphoria begin. As I mastered room by room I realized there has got to be something wrong with me that I have such pure joy over the fact that I can now clean my house the way I like over well anything. WTFrig, can my family actually be right about me? Am I a control freak? Am I a neat freak? Have I been out of control? I don't know about any of that but what I do know is as my tub began to shine, my heart lit up, when I saw the dirt come off my kitchen cabinets I began to cry.
Well dear family, I have admitted all of this in writing and to whom ever may read it and I will say it again, YOU ARE RIGHT on all accounts...except that yes you are pigs. Now be warned, no matter how I am feeling, I can clean so put your coat in the closet, take off your shoes before you walk around my house, they too, go in the closet, if you eat off it, wash it AND put it away. When you wake in the morning make your bed, dirty clothes go in the hamper, not your floor and even when put into piles on your floor this is not being organized, this is called being a slob. Basically what I am saying to you dear family is......MOMMY"S BACK!!!
Kisses and hugs.
I admit it, I HATE being wrong but what I despise is admitting they (my family) are right. Blech that taste bad even when writing it. They claim I am a neat nut, cannot deal with things if I cannot control them, etc. I don't or well I didn't see it that way. I saw it as just liking to take care of my things, everything has a place and everything in its place and as for the control.......OK so what? I don't like when I am not in control of things or some may say I am maybe a tinch bit cranky when I am not in control. Again, so what?
Not sure why I am like this but I am. Haven't been feeling well in some time and therefore have lost bit by bit control of my things in my life, some I have learned to deal with, others I have not. There are two things that I have not learned to deal with while still being able to be pleasant. First thing is my house not being kept the way I like it and not being able to take my pictures without the use of a tripod and sometimes even with a tripod I cannot. The pictures I am coming around with, took some shots of my daughter using the tripod and didn't hate them, had a few fits during the shoot but I did admit I can get a tad bit, I mean the tiniest wee bit cranky when I am not in control. The house I have not been able to deal with, understand I admit I may have a disorder need things in order and I like it to look like we don't live here. I know, I know already, whatever I said it out loud and now everyone (or the few readers I have) now know it too. I put my smile on when I am not home and then come in screaming because someone didn't put something away and I don't have the strength to do it. Did I say scream? Hahaha, no, no I should have said raise my voice ever so lightly, honestly its barely noticeable asking them to please put it away. They will say its a scream and I don't ask I demand. You say potato, I say potauto.
What I have learned about myself is when things get out of order I go into a black hole or an abyss. I hate having physical struggles, yes the control thing. I hate when I need help doing every day, take for granted things. So when I am at the stage where I have to do and then watching my house, car, yard, etc not be the way I like it (my husband will say like a museum) ah NO, let's try clean, it drives me nuts. So today I am sitting in my den watching some old movies (something I enjoy very much) and I look up at a vent on the wall and I see dust in the grate and I know I can no longer enjoy my movie because the damn dust keeps mocking me. Don't roll your eyes, the damn dust is freaking mocking me. So I decide this cannot go on any longer, I have got to take my life and my house back. I MUST. So I call Bill and ask him to stop by the store on his way home from the pet store (he is a salt water fish guy) anyway, I ask him to get me a steamer. He calls me from the store to go over the different types they have. He has lived with me for many years, he knows when I say I don't care which one just get one, that means call me before you even think about bringing one home. So he calls and we go over each one and EUREKA there's the one, has all the bells and whistles and I am already beside myself with glee. I sit anxiously awaiting his arrival with my new dream. It felt like hours had passed but finally I hear the door open. I cannot contain myself, "I'm down here", I yell. He brings it down and opens the box and as each piece comes out of the box, I become more and more excited I swear it was like Christmas morning, that's all I could say to him.
So I took my steamer and ran (well my version of running) into the downstairs bathroom and let the euphoria begin. As I mastered room by room I realized there has got to be something wrong with me that I have such pure joy over the fact that I can now clean my house the way I like over well anything. WTFrig, can my family actually be right about me? Am I a control freak? Am I a neat freak? Have I been out of control? I don't know about any of that but what I do know is as my tub began to shine, my heart lit up, when I saw the dirt come off my kitchen cabinets I began to cry.
Well dear family, I have admitted all of this in writing and to whom ever may read it and I will say it again, YOU ARE RIGHT on all accounts...except that yes you are pigs. Now be warned, no matter how I am feeling, I can clean so put your coat in the closet, take off your shoes before you walk around my house, they too, go in the closet, if you eat off it, wash it AND put it away. When you wake in the morning make your bed, dirty clothes go in the hamper, not your floor and even when put into piles on your floor this is not being organized, this is called being a slob. Basically what I am saying to you dear family is......MOMMY"S BACK!!!
Kisses and hugs.
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