Climbing out of the abyss (again)

Ecstasy from a steamer

I admit it, I HATE being wrong but what I despise is admitting they (my family) are right. Blech that taste bad even when writing it. They claim I am a neat nut, cannot deal with things if I cannot control them, etc. I don't or well I didn't see it that way. I saw it as just liking to take care of my things, everything has a place and everything in its place and as for the control.......OK so what? I don't like when I am not in control of things or some may say I am maybe a tinch bit cranky when I am not in control. Again, so what?

Not sure why I am like this but I am. Haven't been feeling well in some time and therefore have lost bit by bit control of my things in my life, some I have learned to deal with, others I have not. There are two things that I have not learned to deal with while still being able to be pleasant. First thing is my house not being kept the way I like it and not being able to take my pictures without the use of a tripod and sometimes even with a tripod I cannot. The pictures I am coming around with, took some shots of my daughter using the tripod and didn't hate them, had a few fits during the shoot but I did admit I can get a tad bit, I mean the tiniest wee bit cranky when I am not in control.  The house I have not been able to deal with, understand I admit I may have a disorder need things in order and I like it to look like we don't live here. I know, I know already, whatever I said it out loud and now everyone (or the few readers  I have) now know it too. I put my smile on when I am not home and then come in screaming because someone didn't put something away and I don't have the strength to do it. Did I say scream? Hahaha, no, no I should have said raise my voice ever so lightly, honestly its barely noticeable asking them to please put it away. They will say its a scream and I don't ask I demand. You say potato, I say potauto.

What I have learned about myself is when things get out of order I go into a black hole or an abyss. I hate having physical struggles, yes the control thing. I hate when I need help doing every day, take for granted things. So when I am at the stage where I have to do and then watching my house, car, yard, etc not be the way I like it (my husband will say like a museum) ah NO, let's try clean, it drives me nuts. So today I am sitting in my den watching some old movies (something I enjoy very much) and I look up at a vent on the wall and I see dust in the grate and I know I can no longer enjoy my movie because the damn dust keeps mocking me. Don't roll your eyes, the damn dust is freaking mocking me. So I decide this cannot go on any longer, I have got to take my life and my house back. I MUST. So I call Bill and ask him to stop by the store on his way home from the pet store (he is a salt water fish guy) anyway, I ask him to get me a steamer. He calls me from the store to go over the different types they have. He has lived with me for many years, he knows when I say I don't care which one just get one, that means call me before you even think about bringing one home. So he calls and we go over each one and EUREKA there's the one, has all the bells and whistles and I am already beside myself with glee. I sit anxiously awaiting his arrival with my new dream. It felt like hours had passed but finally I hear the door open. I cannot contain myself, "I'm down here", I yell. He brings it down and opens the box and as each piece comes out of the box, I become more and more excited  I swear it was like Christmas morning, that's all I could say to him.

So I took my steamer and ran (well my version of running) into the downstairs bathroom and let the euphoria begin. As I mastered room by room I realized there has got to be something wrong with me that I have such pure joy over the fact that I can now clean my house the way I like over well anything. WTFrig, can my family actually be right about me? Am I a control freak? Am I a neat freak? Have I been out of control? I don't know about any of that but what I do know is as my tub began to shine, my heart lit up, when I saw the dirt come off my kitchen cabinets I began to cry.

Well dear family, I have admitted all of this in writing and to whom ever may read it and I will say it again, YOU ARE RIGHT on all accounts...except that yes you are pigs. Now be warned, no matter how I am feeling, I can clean so put your coat in the closet, take off your shoes before you walk around my house, they too, go in the closet, if you eat off it, wash it AND put it away. When you wake in the morning make your bed, dirty clothes go in the hamper, not your floor and even when put into piles on your floor this is not being organized, this is called being a slob. Basically what I am saying to you dear family is......MOMMY"S BACK!!!

Kisses and hugs.