Sooooo emotional

The song Landside by Fleetwood Mac is a very special song to me and also makes me extremely emotional  for a very different reason than I am using it right now. I am using it on this post for one line and only one line, "children get older and I'm getting older too".

While looking through various college qualifications, etc for my daughter, which in it of itself is emotional I found articles on one college website of my son. Articles I didn't even know existed and while reading them, I felt pride, of course, but it begin to hit me even more so than usual how fast time is going by. He graduated college 3 years ago already and my next one, my little girl is almost ready to start this chapter in her life as well. I don't know maybe the Royal wedding today isn't helping my emotional situation today. After all, I do remember the groom's parents bringing him home from the hospital. Only to be bringing home my first child a few short years behind them. How is it possible that a child born only a few years before my own could possibly be getting married?

Life is moving by so quickly and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it. I am thankful that I thought ahead and if any of you are young mothers or possibly new grandparents, heed my advice when I tell you truly enjoy them, enjoy your children. You will have plenty of time when they are older to go out and get your "life back". Don't get me wrong, I did live while my children were growing up but I am grateful that my biggest joy was being with them. I did volunteer at their schools, made time to throw a ball, take a bike ride, color or whatever even when I didn't want to because I knew this time was going to be short lived.  There were outings with other parents I had to miss on occasion, times I wanted them to just watch t.v. or something and leave me alone but chose to play a game with them or whatever instead. Not tooting my own horn here by any means, believe me there were many things I would change if I could but cherishing their youth and my time with them is not one of  them. My youngest is a teen now and my oldest is an adult and my middle child is on the cusp of saying good bye to her childhood as well.  When and how did they grow, each day seems to drag and yet the years fly by so fast I lost track of something between those days that draged and the years that flew. What happened to all those days in between?

Anyway reading those articles on my son, made me feel something I usually keep VERY private and that is my pride for my kids. I am very big on teaching modesty and therefore try to live it. I prefer not to be one those that say, hey, so and so got a such and such or so and so got so many goals, points, A's whatever, I prefer to leave it in the home and tell them personally how proud I am and then hope for it to continue. This time however, I am going to share it only because I am feeling emotional on the thought of another child moving into the next chapter, the adult chapter. I've watched my nieces already take these steps, my son, my nephew will be taking this big step in June and then one more in the line my girl, next year. I think I am taking her being a senior and getting ready to embrace her last year of childhood way more than she is.God this is hard, I just want to braid her hair, put on her matching shoes (this was always a must with her) and take her out to one of the Long Island mansions or parks and just spend the day together. She still does entertain me with mother/daughter days but no longer needs me for shoes and hair, although the poor dear I do offer up my opinion. Why the hell us mother's always go to our daughter's hair and how it could look better is beyond me and why me of all mom's do it is even more beyond my comprehension. I know it's wrong and just plain ridiculous and yet I say geez honey why don't you put it this way or brush it that way. I know what she is thinking because I am thinking the same thing, why don't you just shut up? And honestly, why don't I already?

I guess on that note, I will do just that, shut up now. Just wanted to share my thoughts today for whatever reason. Think I just needed to purge and you lucky kids are the recipients of my breakdown. Parent's love the time while they are young, embrace  and love the journey as they grow and hang on for the adult chapter, its a hard pill to swallow (for some it might be xanax or Valium and hey I'm not mocking you but thinking of joining you); anyway the bitter pill I refer to is the one that allows them to be adults and make the decisions you know are wrong, stay up all night thinking they are dead in the gutter, no longer are at every holiday, don't always have the time to just hang out, etc but they become your best friend, your real best friend because the parenting is over. Not completely of course, I'm just saying when they are young you can't be their friend, you need to set the tone and example for when they reach this very stage. If you are lucky and they listened and life is being kind to them and them kind to their lives, now you can be their friend. It's nice because you no longer have to bark orders, simply sit and advise, just like you would do for your other friends and guess what, most times they hear you now.

I will forever long for the days where my family was young and starting out and each moment was special and new. Each new child breathed a new sense of specialness and love into our family. There is nothing like the feeling of being part of a new family from the very beginning of deciding this is your partner, to the engagement, wedding and then the first child and if you are blessed with a second,  whom you are certain and scared you can't possibly love as much as the first. That is until you feel this little one move for the first time when you are pregnant (kind of making myself a little sick with that line, don't normally talk/write like that but its so true I need to) and finally meet face to face and you find out the emotion of parental love is infinite and can be given to 1 as easily and as happily as, well, the Dugger's.

OK, really going now, going to enjoy my girls before the night is over and I say good-bye to one more of those days that get lost in the years. But not before I sweat out half the night praying that my son makes it home safe from his alumni dinner.

Thank you my cherubs for sitting through another long post that basically just goes on and on. You're the best.