Toilet paper conspiracy

Yes, yes, you read that right. I truly believe there is a conspiracy to drive me nuts in my house and now they are using the toilet paper as their weapon.

I need to know how I am always the person that when I use the bathroom, the toilet paper roll is empty!!! Empty, cardboard hanging there smiling at me as if to say, "heh, go ahead make my day". This has become the norm these days, however, get a load of this scene and understand why I now know it is NOT co-incidence. The other day, let's just say as we did when we were kids, I had to go and it was an emergency. I sit, I go and when I was done looked over and yes there was my cardboard hanging there looking at me like the eyeballs in the Geico commercial. Soooo, I yell to my daughter to help me out, which she did. I then start to leave the house to realize I need to use the bathroom, again. I run the upstairs, quickly take care of business and yes you guessed it, the cardboard in this bathroom is also now looking at me, and I am telling you it laughed at me. That's right, it laughed. I figure don't let this piss you off, beat them by continuing your day and enjoy it. So I yell to my daughter to rescue me, AGAIN and after numerous shouts and no answer, I take measures into my own hands. Not sure if this is the proper place to say how I handled my situation but no I did not use the cardboard. I will share this, I was wearing a skirt and I may or may not have made a dash with my dress around my waist in search for a solution.

I handle my problem, search for my daughter that has been waiting for me in the car. When I finally make it outside (all nice and dry), OK, I know that was gross. Anyway, she looks at me like what happened? She could tell me the fire in my eyes not to ask questions and to be in a really good mood.

This is not where it ends, of course not. We go away for a sports tournament and after traveling a few hours in the car, we all need to use the bathroom. Sure, fine, so I wait my turn and yup you guessed it again, EMPTY!! OK, you have got to be joking at this point. Is this the same cardboard and it actually is not my family just being too lazy and selfish to change the roll. Is this like the Geico money and is actually following me and throwing out the full rolls just to annoy me. I know of course not, my family members are pigs. During my stay I change the roll twice, we change rooms on the last day because they had an opening for a larger room and I kid you not, when I went in the bathroom, the freaking roll had one square left on it.

I know this post is not for those with weak stomach's and yes, absolutely too much information, although I will have you know I could have been much worse. I will win this battle, not sure exactly just yet how I plan on my win, but I will win. I'm thinking of keeping a roll on me at all times and hiding all the toilet paper so that every time everyone needs to use the bathroom, they will know that the toilet paper, like money doesn't just appear. It is actually put there by people, not magic. I will give step by step directions for those of you that read this and also may have been under the impression that it just appears.

Step one:
go to where you keep your toiletries. This can either be the pantry, if you have one, or possibly a linen closet and some even keep it right under the sink.

Step two:
If the package is unopened, make a tear in the package and take out one roll of t.p.
Then, look for the part of the roll where it is "fused" together and gently tear that part up.

Step three:
Go to the toilet paper hanger and take off the old roll. Depending on what type of hanger you have, this step will vary. I have 2 kinds, the first kind is simple all you have to do is lift the empty roll up no tricks, just lift up. Take the cardboard that is left there and throw it out. Take the new roll and simply slip it through the rod in your hand and place it back on the the holder. The other type can be a bit ore tricky but believe me it can be done. What you need to do is place your hand on the bar holding the toilet paper and push it gently to the side and it will release itself from its holder.

Step four:
Just like the other holder, take cardboard off the rod and replace with new paper.

Step five:
Put the full roll on the rod and taking on side of the rod at a time simply place into the hole on the inside of the holder, follow this step on the other side and whola you are done.

Now some people like the paper beginning at the top while others on coming from the back. Personally, I just want the paper REPLACED!!!

Thank you, enjoy your day and remember to replace often