Grateful for lessons learned.....(from my insomniatic twin)

I had a very interesting telephone conversation with a friend the other night. This friend was saying to me that she is worried about bills, etc. Nothing too bad, just worried about where we are all heading financially. Then she said something that really got me. She said "On one hand, I am so glad that we are going through this, because maybe we can all learn a lesson from this and pull back on crazy spending." I couldn't believe she said this because I had just the same thing to my husband very recently.

I was just telling him that I am actually kind of grateful that we aren't doing as well as we were because it reminds us that it isn't always going to be there and to appreciate the small things that are now so unappreciated. Stupid things like singing in a car, watching a television show all together in one room. You know, like we did in the old days when everyone didn't have their own televisions in their bedrooms. Actually, we did when I was growing up, but my parents used to have family nights and when would all watch together. We would put on an OTB channel or something like that with horse racing and my father would make his famous "7-up floats" and we would bet on the races. Not with actual money, or if we did we used coins. It truly was so much fun. After that my father would usually break into an impromptu game of Let's Make a Deal with your winnings. Man, that game drove me crazy. I guess you can say I don't like to lose so the fear of the inevitable zonk drove me insane.

Anyway, I am hoping things turn around, of course, but I hope that when it does, some things will remain the same. I really thought that I didn't indulge my kids, and actually, for today's standards I really don't. Who set these standards and why did we all, or at least why did I jump on board? I'm not in any way saying my children don't deserve nice things or that other children don't deserve nice things. With my son I always tried to go with advice that was given to me when he was young. Basically, what I was told is not to give him so much that he can't succeed on his own later in life. I didn't agree at first, my response was doesn't he deserve the best I can afford him? He was a product of the "flash card babies", and the "signing them up for nursery school before they were born" generation. So the fact that I spent as much as some colleges were getting for nursery school was not unheard of. Well, to me it was, but his Godmother talked me into it. Again, it was the Yuppie parenting days so I felt I couldn't let him start life at a disadvantage. I guess everything goes in cycles, he was raised with the "must have the best education," and "walk first, talk first" super babies generation. I am happy to say I didn't partake in the rest of the BS. Although I did want him to have a great start education wise. I don't know that having a good start necessarily entails what he learned. It may have been a bit much. For example, I don't feel a 2 1/2 year needs to know the chambers of the heart, be able to put a complete human skeleton together and name all the bones, speak Spanish and all the other things they taught him to do. They did teach him to read and read well, so for that I am grateful. Maybe it's me but taking your child out of their car seat and away from playing so they can learn these things is a bit much to say the least. For those of you that are raising your children now are most likely gasping at what I spent and what he was learning and that parents were signing children yet to be born up for private schools but we are the same parents buying $100 boots for young girls. And forget about the bags they are carrying!! I know we are all now saying, "oh it's not a real bag." Well, then why have it, why not just say, "Sorry we can't afford it." or "You are not a Hilton, thank God!" Do the girls today really need the items we are buying them any more than those poor babies that had flash cards shoved in their tiny faces so that they could learn to say "house" or "flower" first. You know what we found out, we found out once they started school eventually they all even out. Yes, sorry to tell you that your wonderful genius may have a full vocabulary at 6 months and walked the day they were born and could name all the State Capitols by 2. I assure you by the time they are leaving elementary school they will not be teaching the class, rather sitting right next to the baby that didn't speak and walk until 10 months or, heaven forbid, the baby that couldn't talk until their first birthday. Yes there will always be people that are more advanced but what we tend to forget is everyone is advanced in some way or the other and those are the skills that will make or break us when we/they grow. As parents isn't our real job to praise their abilities, but also teach them the other lessons as well. Isn't our job to explain although you may rule this field you need to practice because there is always someone that you haven't yet met that is a good as, or better than you. Isn't also OUR job to make sure that they don't take their talent for granted or more important keep who they are in check and ensure their head not getting too swollen? This doesn't only apply to athletics isn't as important to teaching the bright young math student the same lessons? That yes you are very smart however, so will everyone in your college math class, should you choose to go to prestigious one. The advanced go to advanced colleges making them just like everyone else. Now that they are among their peers are they no longer smart? Of course they are. Maybe just not the smartest. Is the athlete any less talented? Of course not, maybe just not the best. And if they remain the best how far out in front do these advanced students stand out?

I am sorry for this soapbox moment but I needed to get that out. I can only speak for myself but raising children through 2 generations helped me understand that none of the items we buy and no matter how many flash cards pushed in their faces will not create a responsible adult. Oh yes, as parents we get to say how young Johnny was when he learned to read, and my kid could walk before your kid. But again, I ask what does this matter? Teaching them to say hello to an adult when they see them, explaining the importance of family and appreciating and taking care of their home and valuables because it will not be replaced just because they broke it or wanted a better one. Teaching them to be accountable for their own actions, their own school work, yes all of it, when THEIR test are, what project needs to be done and when it is due. And God forgive me here but how about instead of a landscaper the children actually get a little dirty and help their parents outside. Not asking to do it instead of, but together would be nice.

I've learned that by teaching them that the world does not revolve around them, and that they aren't always going to be best, you can't do everything well but you should always do your best in everything you do. But most of all I have learned that holding back and giving them a real gift...the gift of being different is probably the best gift of all. Why? What?

Not saying yes because everyone else could go is a gift. I learned from doing that with my son that the real lesson he learned was not to be a follower. This really came in handy when the real issues started and he was very comfortable in not participating but still being in the environment. Life lessons continue to come to us no matter what our age and no matter what we think we already know. I know I have a lot to learn, I know that each child is different and must be raised accordingly and I know if a child is taught to be confident they will also know different is not only okay, but good.

My lesson learned is not to drop the ball when these hard times pass, teach my girls to be ladies, teach them to wear what fits well and is actually age appropriate and to appreciate the few frivolous items that we all should have. Not to care if the other girls think your dress is appropriate, but to worry if you bought it because you liked it and not because everyone else was getting a new one. Remember to remind the youngest to look at people when you are speaking to them, stop what you are doing and address your friends parents, my friends and any adult/child that you know. I don't care who you are with, stop and acknowledge them. Say thank you when a kindness is shown and do not allow the opinions of others to determine who is socially acceptable. I want for her to understand that a "home friend" or a "family friend" are the ones that will be there later. Trust me on this, I have been blessed with some awesome, loyal friends in my life. The children being snubbed have parents too and it is heartbreaking when your child is left out. So why do we only see it when it is our child being left out? Why do we wear blinders when they are doing the snubbing? Is it fear that our children won't be cool? Whatever the reason our children are the ones that will pay the price later for lessons not learned. When they head into the real world and are just a regular Joe and the people in college and the work place don't care who they are will inevitably play on their heads. When they head out into the real world and find out that money doesn't just appear and you have to own regular boots over the expensive stylish ones in order to afford gas and insurance, maybe just maybe not have been given everything growing up wasn't such a bad thing. Because they learned at a young age the meaning of responsible choices. Money in the bank is a wonderful thing and I am very grateful that I thought enough of my son to teach him these very lessons and one I want to continue with my girls (mainly the youngest because after time I must admit I lost some of that). You see, he just graduated college without any loans over his head or mine. I knew college was coming and planned ahead and actually used that money for college and he received the extras when they were warranted. He was given a car, just not a brand new one and he was allotted insurance money until he could cover it himself. That was in college.

Lessons learned: 1. What I really needed to change in my parenting is basically to change back.
2. Remind my girls that acceptance is wonderful but self respect/confidence is better.
3. Respect for yourself and others. Really and truly, like actually do it.
4. Teach them to focus on what is important to them and go for it.
5. Be the parent and not worry about the popular choice; focus on the right choice. Really does make the difference.

Big picture never be over confident or arrogant be happy for your blessings, appreciate family and friends and never go down to someone else's level, bring them up to yours. And if you can't bring them up to yours, move on.

Turns, steps down from soapbox and walks away.

3 followers....yippie

I wanted to come up with something profound to welcome my 3rd follower and good friend, Denise. I did come up with something to post but like my other posts it wasn't very profound and this time just couldn't get myself to hit the post button. Maybe it isn't late enough in the evening when my evil twin rears her ugly head and post silly nonsensical items on my blog.

What I do need to do however, is acknowledge my 3rd follower and thank her for joining me on yet another one of my crazy ventures. Just a little sidebar for those who are not familiar with this friend, she not only looked at my ten thousand pictures I have taken she also allowed me to photograph her in many. This is not something she is comfortable with but does it because it is important to me. I am now like one of her children, she must see all that I do and say very good. She has also told me when things were not so good, she listens to me endlessly ramble on about nonsense and has been a great friend to my daughters as well. So Denise, welcome aboard and although I will try to make you proud, this blog might just be one of those mother's love type things in the sense that it is only good because you care about me. My real thank you to all my followers, (all 3 of you) was not to post on the last few days so that their eyeballs could get a rest and their brains wouldn't have to hurt so much. Enjoy the break because something tells me I'll be back and if my evil twin has her way it will be sooner rather than later.

Thinking of a very special friend today and sending his family lots of love. We all miss you, Mr. D. I will always miss our sing a longs as you were one of the few that actually allowed me to sing. :)

How does it feeeeel?

I got it! Maybe if I didn't make very clear to them how badly I wanted this column. Maybe I was playing it too cool when I spoke to them. When Bill and I went for our nightly midnight coffee run last night....you know what; I am just going to show you. I am going to give you, my two followers a piece of what my poor husband (and children) go through on a daily basis living with me.



Picture it, it is about 1am we are driving to my husband's ole faithful and true love (7-11) to buy his nightly cup of coffee. I cannot get this column off my mind so I start singing and changing the words to every song to fit my column needs. It went something like this.



Ode to live on column mountain followed up with to the tune of Joker by Steve Miller:



some people call me spacey Dawnie

some call the columnist of loooove

some just think I'm crazaaay

cause of this column I speak ooooofff

people are going to starting talking about me baby

so you better make your move

yeah make your move

ya better stop procrastinating and call me

cause I'm right here, right here, right here at home

I'm a writer

a photographer

and I'm a mommyyyyy

really want a column

so please give it to me

I'm a writer

I'm a photographer

I'm a midnight coffee runner

needing a column oh so desperatelyyyyyy

It's the coolest thing you ever will reeead

really loves those trees but

But let's cut one more down

to make sure there's a page for meeeeee



Obviously, you are getting the point but that made me realize, maybe I need to beg a little so from there I broke out into a little Bob Dylan where I ask all you already in possession of one, "how does it feel"? So if you don't mind as I make my "lifeliner" bid for a column here goes:



Once upon a time I began to whine

I really want a column and that ain't no lie

I really do

I called, you said, "maybe"



OK Dawn, enough, they get the point. I've already taken up too much of your time so I will just cut to the chase rather than make you read another entire song. Bear in mind though, Bill not only sat through these 2 but many, many others and for those of you that have had the pleasure of hearing me sing, know that it actually is anything but a pleasure. And the fact that he sits there listens with a smile as if I can carry a tune and then joins in is why I love this man. Without further a do here is the conclusion to partial plea:



I want to know how it feels, I want to know how it feels,

to have a column of my own, of my very own

so please give it to meee

How about the Rolling Stone????



So dear newspaper people, please I ask, please let me know how it feelsss.



I know you probably think I've lost my mind but for those of you that might be reading and already know me, know that it is long gone. In fact it is so far gone that this behavior is actually quite normal for me. I will give you all a little rest over the next few days and sit back and quietly wait for the call to come in informing me the column is mine or perhaps to even give in and find a plan B. I wish you a great day/evening and I look forward to your comments, post and dreams.

Just sitting patiently, waiting for the world to realize it's my oyster

I am so excited, I now have 2 followers (plus me) that's 3. To you it may not be a lot but to me it's getting crowded in here. Hey, haven't you heard the expression two is company, three is a crowd? Well, thanks to Nick we are now a crowd, a crowd people an honest to God crowd. I know it's a bit premature for crowd control to be called in should we all decide to come out of cyberspace and meet for let say drinks or something but we are on our way.

So as I sit here waiting for my lipstick to kick in thought it might a good idea to use the time to figure out plan B. Not saying in anyway I'm giving up on plan A but I do have to think about the what if; or should I say, reality? What if it never happens, I'm trying to head Kenny Rogers warning and know when to count em and the even more important lesson of knowing when to run........there'll be time enough to count em when the deal is done. I know it is time to run; I know the deal is done but then last night while watching the Olympics a skater gave me a signal. A signal you ask, yes a signal and yes it as for me; the ice skater skated to the song the impossible dream. I'm now thinking oh, " Kenny the deal might not be done just yet". OK, it is but I'm not done yet and what the heck does Kenny Rogers know anyway, have you seen this guys face lately? Hey Kenny, you might want to find another surgeon with all that money you won because obviously your cosmetic surgery deal isn't done either yet.

I know my dream like the song is the impossible dream, really I do know that but I am not ready to accept that. Maybe they just didn't get the memo that I'm now wearing the more expensive and yet very tasteful shade of lipstick. And let us not forget it is sporting the really great brush applicator. Or maybe the world just doesn't know it is my oyster yet. I don't know how long it takes to get the word out.

Non-the-less, time to think of a plan B just in case they did get the memo and the world does in fact know it's my oyster but somehow just doesn't care. So what else, what else do I want to do? Model? Movie Star? Hell, I've been racking up quite a few hours on Farmville, maybe I should buy a farm. This might be yet another great opportunity for y'all to jump on in. Ideas, followers? Sideliners this where you are usually good, we are great at coming up with wonderful ideas and opportunities for everyone else. Anyone?? I'm pretty sure there isn't anyone actually out there so I'm not taking the silence personal or anything, just wishing I had even an idea of a Plan B. When am I finally going to understand the power of lipstick and how to utilize it? I haven't even reapplied it all day. How am I ever going to get any further in life if I don't finally get the concept down?

While I go and get the lipstick for another application as well as an oyster opener (for when the lipstick kicks in and offers start flying in). If anyone wants to chime in here with a plan B or even better something they would like just to share, feel free. As they said on SNL, " talk amongst yourselves".

Put a little lipstick on (only if you shove it when I'm done)

Wow, I have a follower, my first official follower. I am so excited those column haters will be sorry now. I should call them and let them know you might want to jump on the Dawnie bandwagon. Hey fellas she is now not only licious but she has a follower. The fact that she is my friend doesn't matter and the fact that she is always very supportive doesn't count either. She is always honest with me and she liked my post, haha. They'll be sorry now or at least they are going to be sorry if they don't call me soon with that yes, yes, we had no idea how big you are, we must have your column. OK, I guess you have surmised by now that the big maybe didn't turn into the big yes. Its OK though for some reason I'm not totally crushed, I am disappointed but not crushed, weird but I'm actually proud of myself for not only trying, but they actually really did like it as did many others. I must say though no matter who did or who didn't I tried, didn't just talk about it actually tried. The only thing really plaguing me is whether or not I was wearing my lipstick that day.


I'm sure you my tens of hundreds of readers; OK one reader (2 if you count me) might be wondering what the title of this blog has to do with the above rant? Well, nothing really I mean I really don't think lipstick has anything to do with it but apparently lipstick has power....really if you put a little lipstick on things will happen, doors will open, children will heal and I would have received a column. I was unaware of the lipstick power for many, many years but when my kids were younger and I was going through a real hard time of adjusting to being a stay at home mom, I was told, "just put a little lipstick on". OK, WHAT?!?! No, seriously, WHAT?!? Anyway, this is what I was told. To make matters worse when someone very close to me had someone she loved very much in surgery a woman of this certain age advised her as well to apply a little lipstick. In defense of this woman I must add that she did advise my friend to apply a little rouge too but I think that was only necessary because there was a surgery going on.

Back to my dilemma, I can't get off my mind whether or not I was I wearing lipstick that day? You know the big day (the day I handed in the column) If I did have it on, was it the wrong color? Wrong brand? Not expensive enough and if not how dare I expect someone to take me seriously enough to actually give me a column? How could I be so damn careless and just leave the house all willy nilly and lipstick free; column in hand and have the nerve to actually hand it in. By the time I entered the building I should have been reapplying. What was I thinking? As you can clearly see, I've learned my lesson and I've been thinking a lot about this and went out and bought a very nice middle of the road shade lipstick. Seriously I went all out, none of this cheap stuff, I bought the good stuff. I even went as far as to buy the kind with the brush applicator rather than the ones with the cheap sponge. I was going to buy the typical lipstick that you just roll up and apply but I thought the brush applicator might really give me the edge. I thought to myself, hell no if you are going to go for things in life you must not cheap out on the applicator. Dammit Dawn, for once in your life give it your all buy the damn brush applicator.

I have to say though I feel really bad for men though, how the hell are they supposed to move forward in life without the benefit of the lipstick power. This blog was supposed to be a place for everyone. A place for any "sideliner" or "lifeliner" that wanted to improve something about themselves or share could open up and hopefully someone reading might be able to assist them.

I guess I put the question out to the lifeliners that are also those women of a certain age, what about the men? Are they just screwed? People these days have come pretty far in accepting almost anything but I don't know that they are ready for the lipstick wearing man. I don't know for sure, maybe we are but I'm sure there will still be those men like my husband for one that just won't be comfortable. So does this mean between my poor choice in lipstick and his lack of ability to wear it mean we might as well pack it in? Nah, I don't think so. Maybe they could wear chapstick? I guess that could open a whole set of their own problems too, do they need to buy the actual brand chapstick or can it be an alternative? Possibly Vaseline or that Barts bees or whatever the heck it is.

So my fellow bloggers and my follower I leave you with this, go out and buy yourself some lipstick. Make your dream be known, apply the lipstick and conquer the world. I have my lipstick with the brush applicator (going to make Bill wear chapstick) the world is my oyster!!!

****A little side note of thanks to everyone that has given me such wonderful feedback on this silly blog and especially Amy, my first official follower. Thanks everyone and seriously, feel free to post whatever your dream is, maybe someone is reading that can help. A very Happy Valentine's Day to you all*******

In awe

This is just a quick note. I was looking through my friends on facebook tonight and was thinking how in awe I am of so many of my friends. I have three friends that fought breast cancer and won, another that is now battling it and I am confident that he too will be victorious, another that watched her child go a through a kidney transplant and the child that actually had the transplant, his sister and father. Another that has been a single mother for many years and has managed to succeed in her career, bought her own home on her own and gives so much to everyone around her. I have another that just battled an illness with her husband and thankfully they too won their battle. Another raised three girls successfully. They are grown and are all wonderful loving young ladies. Another that is successful, caring and giving and who also bought a home without the help of a man. Another that faces a personal journey everyday and is so loyal to their family and I must say to me as well. One of my friends has always been so supportive of me and although she has a wonderful career as an attorney has always treated me as an equal in business and her friendship has always been unconditional. I have 3 that have lost spouses and yet are raising their children and living their lives with such grace and strength that I can only wish to emulate. I have several children that have already had to face the loss of a parent and yet have totally kept their act together, have not lost their faith nor their love of life. I have another friend that also has a sick child and has been such a wonderful advocate in getting the word out there on her child's disease all while allowing this child a normal life. There is nothing normal about what this child faces everyday and yet she plays sports, participates in plays, goes out with her friends and then the down side goes to doctors, uses breathing machines every day and night and that is just piece of who this young strong girl is. My nephew the child I spoke of before that needed the transplant has also taught me more life lessons than I can even list. He is amazing and strong, sweet and sensitive and I love him beyond any explanation I can give here. He faces every day knowing that more transplants are on the horizon and the only thing certain in his life and the other young girl I spoke of life is there is nothing certain. They just live their life's and wait for a someone to find a cure. These children continue to teach me something new everyday and I adore and look up to them so much. I could go on and on about all these people but I think you get the point. I don't know why this all hit me tonight as this is nothing to new to me. I know their stories but for some reason as I was looking at their pictures tonight and knowing what they have all been through made me realize how very lucky I am to have all these people in my life. I will have to ask you to excuse whatever spelling errors or words that are missing from this or what parts might not make sense I just wanted to write what I was feeling, while I was feeling it. Don't feel like going back and checking for errors. I guess while searching for growth and happiness in these crazy times these are the people that we can all learn from. We all have stories indeed but take the strength from these true lifeliners and don't get stuck in silly ruts, don't' worry about who said what to whom, if you were over looked when people made plans, I'm not calling them because they haven't called me. This stuff is silly, really it is. Who cares what car people are driving or how much or little they may or may not have? It really doesn't matter, living the best life we can with what we were giving is the ticket. At least that is what I'm thinking. Wow, guess it wasn't such a quick post after all. If anyone is reading my blogs and if you stayed with me all the way through this, thank you because the people I am speaking of are worth the time you put in. xoxo Dawn

So the journey begins

So I need your thoughts on blogs.

Reason I ask is that I am in the process of possibly getting my own column in a newspaper. My own column, who would believe that? Anyway after many back and forth calls to the editor, all of which were positive, I get a big maybe. Needless to say this has been driving me crazy. So, I mentioned it to a co-worker and she said “Hey, don't give up, why don't you blog?” I'm thinking blog? I wasn't really sure if I wanted a blog or not because I didn't know much about them but was leaning against doing it. However, I want this column so bad that I can taste it. Actually, all of those positive calls not only allowed me to taste, but speak of it, OUT LOUD. I knew I was crazy to say it out loud especially because I am not a say-it-out-loud kind of person. I am more of a “think of it silently, and maybe, just maybe share it with a few close people” type of person. So my co-worker told me to rent the movie “Julie and Julia” starring Meryl Streep. And as she walked out the door she looked back at me and said, "Rent the movie and blog." So I did in fact rent the movie and didn't really get the connection to me. Well, yes she blogged, but I didn’t understand the big picture. So here are my thoughts; if this person from Queens can get a movie just from blogging about cooking someone else’s recipes, why can’t I get a small column? I am in no way putting this Julie down, it’s the opposite. I admire her because she is just like the rest of us only she is a true lifeliner.

I am not going to use this blog as a forum for my column, but as more of an outlet for all of us that are ready to be happy, ready to do something for ourselves but not ready to take away from giving to our families or whatever. This will be an interactive blog where the “lifeliners,” as I have now nicknamed them will give hope to us “sideliners.” Now by lifeliner, I mean people who have struggled or have seen hard times in one way or another, but have had a happy ending. Of course these people are not problem free, they are just people like us sideliners who have managed to take life by the balls and say “No, I'm going to win!” Having said that, when I refer to us sideliners, I in no way mean we are lazy or unmotivated people. We are just people more comfortable care taking for others, or sitting on the bleachers cheering for our loved ones. You know who you are­­‑-you define YOUR success by the success of those around you. You may sometimes feel guilty for whatever joy comes your way, and you cannot seem to just say thank you when a compliment is given, or maybe you are a sideliner who has been struck with depression from hard times, life changes, sick children, death of a loved one or whatever(???). This is your turn to be happy and to achieve. It is okay to want for yourself and to be happy and to achieve. Like the woman in the movie, I have no idea if anyone out there is reading this but as she suggested, I'm blogging. Has it really come to this, are we really a generation of people so far removed from one another that we write to cyberspace not knowing if anyone is out there? Well if so, consider this my ticket to board. I hope at the end of this I will have my column but in turn the lifeliners will have started blogs on what they know to help other sideliners like myself find their way. I was speaking to a friend of mine today and I'm hoping that she writes on here with a piece of her story along with a link to her blog where she can help who share her story as she could really benefit from telling her story as well as help many people. I'm hoping that someone struggling to lose weight will write in and let us know of their struggle so we can all motivate each other. From there, they may blog about their journey, the mother that found a new career after her children although still young are more independent, someone that has a talent and not sure where to bring it, you can say on here I can sing, I can draw well and someone will hopefully answer you and say there is this club that meets on such and such a day, join us, or if you are that hard working successful person that is always there to be a friend to all those around you, this is your time to make your dream come true and not just because it pays the bills and you are good at it but because you desire it. Whether it be for a mate, a hobby or a writer yourself, it is your turn. Whatever your story I hope that my blog will give you the courage to see the light at the end of the tunnel and the courage to move forward. In “Julie and Julia” the girl from Queens got her life story written into a movie, and maybe this writer might actually get a column. And you, the reader might actually get your wish. If you are out there and if you desire something, don't hold it in. Let us know and together let’s see what happens. No matter what, in the meantime, we have each other. Look, we all know the country is a mess, we are all broke and scared of tomorrow. We need to dream, we need to have some positive reality. Again, I don't know if anyone is reading this or not, but I surely hope you are and that you respond. Sideliners--state your dreams and lifeliners help us know how to get there and once you arrive how it feels. Here's hoping my ticket to ride isn't a ride to no man's land.