I had a very interesting telephone conversation with a friend the other night. This friend was saying to me that she is worried about bills, etc. Nothing too bad, just worried about where we are all heading financially. Then she said something that really got me. She said "On one hand, I am so glad that we are going through this, because maybe we can all learn a lesson from this and pull back on crazy spending." I couldn't believe she said this because I had just the same thing to my husband very recently.
I was just telling him that I am actually kind of grateful that we aren't doing as well as we were because it reminds us that it isn't always going to be there and to appreciate the small things that are now so unappreciated. Stupid things like singing in a car, watching a television show all together in one room. You know, like we did in the old days when everyone didn't have their own televisions in their bedrooms. Actually, we did when I was growing up, but my parents used to have family nights and when would all watch together. We would put on an OTB channel or something like that with horse racing and my father would make his famous "7-up floats" and we would bet on the races. Not with actual money, or if we did we used coins. It truly was so much fun. After that my father would usually break into an impromptu game of Let's Make a Deal with your winnings. Man, that game drove me crazy. I guess you can say I don't like to lose so the fear of the inevitable zonk drove me insane.
Anyway, I am hoping things turn around, of course, but I hope that when it does, some things will remain the same. I really thought that I didn't indulge my kids, and actually, for today's standards I really don't. Who set these standards and why did we all, or at least why did I jump on board? I'm not in any way saying my children don't deserve nice things or that other children don't deserve nice things. With my son I always tried to go with advice that was given to me when he was young. Basically, what I was told is not to give him so much that he can't succeed on his own later in life. I didn't agree at first, my response was doesn't he deserve the best I can afford him? He was a product of the "flash card babies", and the "signing them up for nursery school before they were born" generation. So the fact that I spent as much as some colleges were getting for nursery school was not unheard of. Well, to me it was, but his Godmother talked me into it. Again, it was the Yuppie parenting days so I felt I couldn't let him start life at a disadvantage. I guess everything goes in cycles, he was raised with the "must have the best education," and "walk first, talk first" super babies generation. I am happy to say I didn't partake in the rest of the BS. Although I did want him to have a great start education wise. I don't know that having a good start necessarily entails what he learned. It may have been a bit much. For example, I don't feel a 2 1/2 year needs to know the chambers of the heart, be able to put a complete human skeleton together and name all the bones, speak Spanish and all the other things they taught him to do. They did teach him to read and read well, so for that I am grateful. Maybe it's me but taking your child out of their car seat and away from playing so they can learn these things is a bit much to say the least. For those of you that are raising your children now are most likely gasping at what I spent and what he was learning and that parents were signing children yet to be born up for private schools but we are the same parents buying $100 boots for young girls. And forget about the bags they are carrying!! I know we are all now saying, "oh it's not a real bag." Well, then why have it, why not just say, "Sorry we can't afford it." or "You are not a Hilton, thank God!" Do the girls today really need the items we are buying them any more than those poor babies that had flash cards shoved in their tiny faces so that they could learn to say "house" or "flower" first. You know what we found out, we found out once they started school eventually they all even out. Yes, sorry to tell you that your wonderful genius may have a full vocabulary at 6 months and walked the day they were born and could name all the State Capitols by 2. I assure you by the time they are leaving elementary school they will not be teaching the class, rather sitting right next to the baby that didn't speak and walk until 10 months or, heaven forbid, the baby that couldn't talk until their first birthday. Yes there will always be people that are more advanced but what we tend to forget is everyone is advanced in some way or the other and those are the skills that will make or break us when we/they grow. As parents isn't our real job to praise their abilities, but also teach them the other lessons as well. Isn't our job to explain although you may rule this field you need to practice because there is always someone that you haven't yet met that is a good as, or better than you. Isn't also OUR job to make sure that they don't take their talent for granted or more important keep who they are in check and ensure their head not getting too swollen? This doesn't only apply to athletics isn't as important to teaching the bright young math student the same lessons? That yes you are very smart however, so will everyone in your college math class, should you choose to go to prestigious one. The advanced go to advanced colleges making them just like everyone else. Now that they are among their peers are they no longer smart? Of course they are. Maybe just not the smartest. Is the athlete any less talented? Of course not, maybe just not the best. And if they remain the best how far out in front do these advanced students stand out?
I am sorry for this soapbox moment but I needed to get that out. I can only speak for myself but raising children through 2 generations helped me understand that none of the items we buy and no matter how many flash cards pushed in their faces will not create a responsible adult. Oh yes, as parents we get to say how young Johnny was when he learned to read, and my kid could walk before your kid. But again, I ask what does this matter? Teaching them to say hello to an adult when they see them, explaining the importance of family and appreciating and taking care of their home and valuables because it will not be replaced just because they broke it or wanted a better one. Teaching them to be accountable for their own actions, their own school work, yes all of it, when THEIR test are, what project needs to be done and when it is due. And God forgive me here but how about instead of a landscaper the children actually get a little dirty and help their parents outside. Not asking to do it instead of, but together would be nice.
I've learned that by teaching them that the world does not revolve around them, and that they aren't always going to be best, you can't do everything well but you should always do your best in everything you do. But most of all I have learned that holding back and giving them a real gift...the gift of being different is probably the best gift of all. Why? What?
Not saying yes because everyone else could go is a gift. I learned from doing that with my son that the real lesson he learned was not to be a follower. This really came in handy when the real issues started and he was very comfortable in not participating but still being in the environment. Life lessons continue to come to us no matter what our age and no matter what we think we already know. I know I have a lot to learn, I know that each child is different and must be raised accordingly and I know if a child is taught to be confident they will also know different is not only okay, but good.
My lesson learned is not to drop the ball when these hard times pass, teach my girls to be ladies, teach them to wear what fits well and is actually age appropriate and to appreciate the few frivolous items that we all should have. Not to care if the other girls think your dress is appropriate, but to worry if you bought it because you liked it and not because everyone else was getting a new one. Remember to remind the youngest to look at people when you are speaking to them, stop what you are doing and address your friends parents, my friends and any adult/child that you know. I don't care who you are with, stop and acknowledge them. Say thank you when a kindness is shown and do not allow the opinions of others to determine who is socially acceptable. I want for her to understand that a "home friend" or a "family friend" are the ones that will be there later. Trust me on this, I have been blessed with some awesome, loyal friends in my life. The children being snubbed have parents too and it is heartbreaking when your child is left out. So why do we only see it when it is our child being left out? Why do we wear blinders when they are doing the snubbing? Is it fear that our children won't be cool? Whatever the reason our children are the ones that will pay the price later for lessons not learned. When they head into the real world and are just a regular Joe and the people in college and the work place don't care who they are will inevitably play on their heads. When they head out into the real world and find out that money doesn't just appear and you have to own regular boots over the expensive stylish ones in order to afford gas and insurance, maybe just maybe not have been given everything growing up wasn't such a bad thing. Because they learned at a young age the meaning of responsible choices. Money in the bank is a wonderful thing and I am very grateful that I thought enough of my son to teach him these very lessons and one I want to continue with my girls (mainly the youngest because after time I must admit I lost some of that). You see, he just graduated college without any loans over his head or mine. I knew college was coming and planned ahead and actually used that money for college and he received the extras when they were warranted. He was given a car, just not a brand new one and he was allotted insurance money until he could cover it himself. That was in college.
Lessons learned: 1. What I really needed to change in my parenting is basically to change back.
2. Remind my girls that acceptance is wonderful but self respect/confidence is better.
3. Respect for yourself and others. Really and truly, like actually do it.
4. Teach them to focus on what is important to them and go for it.
5. Be the parent and not worry about the popular choice; focus on the right choice. Really does make the difference.
Big picture never be over confident or arrogant be happy for your blessings, appreciate family and friends and never go down to someone else's level, bring them up to yours. And if you can't bring them up to yours, move on.
Turns, steps down from soapbox and walks away.
I was just telling him that I am actually kind of grateful that we aren't doing as well as we were because it reminds us that it isn't always going to be there and to appreciate the small things that are now so unappreciated. Stupid things like singing in a car, watching a television show all together in one room. You know, like we did in the old days when everyone didn't have their own televisions in their bedrooms. Actually, we did when I was growing up, but my parents used to have family nights and when would all watch together. We would put on an OTB channel or something like that with horse racing and my father would make his famous "7-up floats" and we would bet on the races. Not with actual money, or if we did we used coins. It truly was so much fun. After that my father would usually break into an impromptu game of Let's Make a Deal with your winnings. Man, that game drove me crazy. I guess you can say I don't like to lose so the fear of the inevitable zonk drove me insane.
Anyway, I am hoping things turn around, of course, but I hope that when it does, some things will remain the same. I really thought that I didn't indulge my kids, and actually, for today's standards I really don't. Who set these standards and why did we all, or at least why did I jump on board? I'm not in any way saying my children don't deserve nice things or that other children don't deserve nice things. With my son I always tried to go with advice that was given to me when he was young. Basically, what I was told is not to give him so much that he can't succeed on his own later in life. I didn't agree at first, my response was doesn't he deserve the best I can afford him? He was a product of the "flash card babies", and the "signing them up for nursery school before they were born" generation. So the fact that I spent as much as some colleges were getting for nursery school was not unheard of. Well, to me it was, but his Godmother talked me into it. Again, it was the Yuppie parenting days so I felt I couldn't let him start life at a disadvantage. I guess everything goes in cycles, he was raised with the "must have the best education," and "walk first, talk first" super babies generation. I am happy to say I didn't partake in the rest of the BS. Although I did want him to have a great start education wise. I don't know that having a good start necessarily entails what he learned. It may have been a bit much. For example, I don't feel a 2 1/2 year needs to know the chambers of the heart, be able to put a complete human skeleton together and name all the bones, speak Spanish and all the other things they taught him to do. They did teach him to read and read well, so for that I am grateful. Maybe it's me but taking your child out of their car seat and away from playing so they can learn these things is a bit much to say the least. For those of you that are raising your children now are most likely gasping at what I spent and what he was learning and that parents were signing children yet to be born up for private schools but we are the same parents buying $100 boots for young girls. And forget about the bags they are carrying!! I know we are all now saying, "oh it's not a real bag." Well, then why have it, why not just say, "Sorry we can't afford it." or "You are not a Hilton, thank God!" Do the girls today really need the items we are buying them any more than those poor babies that had flash cards shoved in their tiny faces so that they could learn to say "house" or "flower" first. You know what we found out, we found out once they started school eventually they all even out. Yes, sorry to tell you that your wonderful genius may have a full vocabulary at 6 months and walked the day they were born and could name all the State Capitols by 2. I assure you by the time they are leaving elementary school they will not be teaching the class, rather sitting right next to the baby that didn't speak and walk until 10 months or, heaven forbid, the baby that couldn't talk until their first birthday. Yes there will always be people that are more advanced but what we tend to forget is everyone is advanced in some way or the other and those are the skills that will make or break us when we/they grow. As parents isn't our real job to praise their abilities, but also teach them the other lessons as well. Isn't our job to explain although you may rule this field you need to practice because there is always someone that you haven't yet met that is a good as, or better than you. Isn't also OUR job to make sure that they don't take their talent for granted or more important keep who they are in check and ensure their head not getting too swollen? This doesn't only apply to athletics isn't as important to teaching the bright young math student the same lessons? That yes you are very smart however, so will everyone in your college math class, should you choose to go to prestigious one. The advanced go to advanced colleges making them just like everyone else. Now that they are among their peers are they no longer smart? Of course they are. Maybe just not the smartest. Is the athlete any less talented? Of course not, maybe just not the best. And if they remain the best how far out in front do these advanced students stand out?
I am sorry for this soapbox moment but I needed to get that out. I can only speak for myself but raising children through 2 generations helped me understand that none of the items we buy and no matter how many flash cards pushed in their faces will not create a responsible adult. Oh yes, as parents we get to say how young Johnny was when he learned to read, and my kid could walk before your kid. But again, I ask what does this matter? Teaching them to say hello to an adult when they see them, explaining the importance of family and appreciating and taking care of their home and valuables because it will not be replaced just because they broke it or wanted a better one. Teaching them to be accountable for their own actions, their own school work, yes all of it, when THEIR test are, what project needs to be done and when it is due. And God forgive me here but how about instead of a landscaper the children actually get a little dirty and help their parents outside. Not asking to do it instead of, but together would be nice.
I've learned that by teaching them that the world does not revolve around them, and that they aren't always going to be best, you can't do everything well but you should always do your best in everything you do. But most of all I have learned that holding back and giving them a real gift...the gift of being different is probably the best gift of all. Why? What?
Not saying yes because everyone else could go is a gift. I learned from doing that with my son that the real lesson he learned was not to be a follower. This really came in handy when the real issues started and he was very comfortable in not participating but still being in the environment. Life lessons continue to come to us no matter what our age and no matter what we think we already know. I know I have a lot to learn, I know that each child is different and must be raised accordingly and I know if a child is taught to be confident they will also know different is not only okay, but good.
My lesson learned is not to drop the ball when these hard times pass, teach my girls to be ladies, teach them to wear what fits well and is actually age appropriate and to appreciate the few frivolous items that we all should have. Not to care if the other girls think your dress is appropriate, but to worry if you bought it because you liked it and not because everyone else was getting a new one. Remember to remind the youngest to look at people when you are speaking to them, stop what you are doing and address your friends parents, my friends and any adult/child that you know. I don't care who you are with, stop and acknowledge them. Say thank you when a kindness is shown and do not allow the opinions of others to determine who is socially acceptable. I want for her to understand that a "home friend" or a "family friend" are the ones that will be there later. Trust me on this, I have been blessed with some awesome, loyal friends in my life. The children being snubbed have parents too and it is heartbreaking when your child is left out. So why do we only see it when it is our child being left out? Why do we wear blinders when they are doing the snubbing? Is it fear that our children won't be cool? Whatever the reason our children are the ones that will pay the price later for lessons not learned. When they head into the real world and are just a regular Joe and the people in college and the work place don't care who they are will inevitably play on their heads. When they head out into the real world and find out that money doesn't just appear and you have to own regular boots over the expensive stylish ones in order to afford gas and insurance, maybe just maybe not have been given everything growing up wasn't such a bad thing. Because they learned at a young age the meaning of responsible choices. Money in the bank is a wonderful thing and I am very grateful that I thought enough of my son to teach him these very lessons and one I want to continue with my girls (mainly the youngest because after time I must admit I lost some of that). You see, he just graduated college without any loans over his head or mine. I knew college was coming and planned ahead and actually used that money for college and he received the extras when they were warranted. He was given a car, just not a brand new one and he was allotted insurance money until he could cover it himself. That was in college.
Lessons learned: 1. What I really needed to change in my parenting is basically to change back.
2. Remind my girls that acceptance is wonderful but self respect/confidence is better.
3. Respect for yourself and others. Really and truly, like actually do it.
4. Teach them to focus on what is important to them and go for it.
5. Be the parent and not worry about the popular choice; focus on the right choice. Really does make the difference.
Big picture never be over confident or arrogant be happy for your blessings, appreciate family and friends and never go down to someone else's level, bring them up to yours. And if you can't bring them up to yours, move on.
Turns, steps down from soapbox and walks away.
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